Hilarity ensues

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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Xian-Zhi. But I think its Colin.
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
“Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
The doctor replied, “I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off”.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number
to climb as digging continues into the night